salvation

1)      The couch was tweed and I was five.

You told me that Jesus loves me. You told me that

He wants to save me. So I poured out my heart

Matthew, John, and Romans over the couch cushions.

I was saved now.

2)      My feet were pool-bottom tender; wet hair plastered

to my forehead like over-sheltered innocence. The two men

approached me in the locker room. It was the first time I had seen

another man’s penis. My mother’s voice bouncing off the lockers

was grace in action. This was the first time I learned that salvation

comes in many forms.

3)      She told me that she loved me outside her mother’s office.

It had been a week and a half since I said it for the first time.

It is so good to feel loved. The salvation of love is too sweet a gift.

I hope to one day permit myself to feel that again.

4)      His hand formed to the shape of my throat and pulled me up

onto the stage with no malice in his heart. The thumps

in my chest matching the beat of the drum track. This was rapture.

This was the first time I realized that I hear music differently.

5)      Someone decided he needed to break into the lockers

in the gym, and several students and I lost money

and belongings. I called my mom. She called my dad.

They prayed. I received everything back except

my ring with the cross on it.

6)      Sometimes, when I relish in something as simple

as a hot shower and a cold beer

at the end of a shitty day.

7)      Every time I cross the Chesapeake bay

and no matter what time of year,

what type of weather,

my windows come down so I can

breathe in the salt air

8)      Every time my parents tell me

that they are proud of me, even though

I don’t always feel proud of myself.

9)      Every single time I close my eyes

and remember how blessed I am

to live the life that I live.

  

10)  The first time I was kissed

like she fucking meant it.

Salvation is personal. And it is not finite.

For some there is a god involved.

For some, it is a moment deemed holy only by the one

experiencing it. Ask me to tell you another. Then hold your ear to my chest.

I will say it out loud, and you will hear only “Saved” echoing back.

This is my Collective. This is my Holy.

This is my Salvation.